51 Comments
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Moorea Maguire's avatar

So many laughs out loud.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks Moorea 😀

William Weaver's avatar

That was great :)

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thank you kind sir!!

Larry Urish's avatar

This is hilarious – and painfully true – from HOA-Stasi officer to Seal Team Schwinn to Johnny Knoxville and beyond. And when you mentioned a "wannabe Lance Armstrong," I pictured a Wisconsin kid blood doping, shooting human-growth hormone and EPO, covering track marks with makeup, and mercilessly bullying other cyclists. But that's just me...

Well done!

And good luck with that knee.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Hahaha. I hate that guy, but I couldn’t think of another cyclist 🤣

Rosa Maria's avatar

I hope Darla doesn't intend to do the agoge. How would her fierceness and commitment rate?

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

She’d fit in well in Sparta!!!

Rosa Maria's avatar

I see her, marching in ominous silence, with only the sounds of flutes, till the shout "Alala!"

Paul Horton's avatar

Loved the imagery in this. Made me glad I don’t live in an hoa and wary of my reflexes if I drive down side streets.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Ha…it’s a jungle out here man!!

Justin Barber's avatar

Oh my goodness, I'm reading this from the perspective of a dad of 2 feral animals and a third who just isn't walking yet. So many near-heart attacks that I've had as the boys launch out of the driveway, heads held back, letting out a "woohoo". I love how carefree they are but good Lord care just a LITTLE bit!

Also, love Pressfield! If you haven't checked out War of Art, you should! Quick, entertaining read. And Darla just has the sweetest, goofiest, most pettable head.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Love that book too!

I can’t get too mad though…I was as feral as they come back on the day 😀

Sher''s avatar

I thoroughly enjoyed this...it holds many truths about adult ingredients and the invincibility feeling of bring a child..I remember it well. I often turn my radio down so that I can see better...concentration ya' know? Hope your knee feels better soon..been there as well. Nothing iscquite like an unpredictable bum knee!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks Sher! Hopefully I’ll be back walking doggos in a jiffy!!

Sher''s avatar

I hope so too!

Maria T.C.'s avatar

"The children, meanwhile, enter traffic like they’ve been fired from a T-shirt cannon."

LOL, this is high art.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Haha, thanks! That was one of my favorites in there.

Andrea Hoffmann's avatar

Well, the knee thing has impeded your mobility but it sure hasn’t stymied your creative prowess. This. Was. Awesome. Loved every simile. So so good. ❤️

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thank you so much friend!!

Lee Bacon's avatar

Oh those crazy kids! Good to hear that at least the adults are being careful while driving.

Here in Germany, I'm amazed by how early kids learn to ride bikes. They start with the walking bike at 2, then by 3, they're ready for the Tour de France. I've seen it happen with our own daughter. It's great. Now that she's 4, she rides her bike to kindergarten while I jog along beside her.

They haven't busted out the ramp yet, but I'm sure that's coming soon.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Score another one for Deutschland!!!

That being said, I’m sure the kiddos there are smart enough not to try crossing the Autobahn on their Schwinns.

Bill Southern's avatar

Henny, you nailed the haircut! Also, I dig the Napoleon Dynamite shoutout.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Haha, thanks man!!!

Chris Stanton's avatar

This is too funny. My neighborhood has almost the opposite problem. Kids ride their bikes on the sidewalks. It's mostly next to busy roads, so I get it—I don't want them to get hit by a car—but when you're walking your dog and three of them come barreling toward you on their bikes, it's a clusterfuck. The bigger problem is that adults do it too, and it's illegal.

Then there are the-scooters. My God, the e-scooters.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Ooh e-scooters. Don’t get me started. There was actually a news item this past week here about all of the hospital visits resulting from them.

Jane Deegan's avatar

It's awful with ebikes and scooters, segways with those under 12 mostly. No one is looking on these transportation modes. I drive through neighborhoods all day for work constantly on the look out. Then there are the kids that play chicken...

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Sadly, I remember playing chicken as a youngster 😬🤣.

Yeah, someone else mentioned those other things. As much as I mocked the kids on bikes, I’d much prefer those. And at least they’re getting some exercise.

Jane Deegan's avatar

When you are young you think you are invincible! I've been there. Now kids with motorized vehicles that are a decade or so away from being able to drive a car is a little scary to be honest.

I am happy to see them outside though just not texting and driving into traffic

Mary Beth Lathrop's avatar

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

1. Gates of Fire is now on my reading list

2. I've possibly been, maybe, a LITTLE grumpy this week for similar reasons

3. I laughed so loud and long I disrupted the entire household

(4. I miss being Johnny rocket bike rider just a little myself)

Great fun and good writing all rolled into one. Again, thank you.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks Mary Beth! There was definitely some reminiscence going on with this one…I was on my bike a lot as a pip squeak. Raising hell I’m sure!

Sheila Moeschen's avatar

Funny and thoughtful--as always! Heal up, pal! I would add some kind of sports jargon in here, but this world has quarterback sacked me this week (Oh look--I DID IT!). X!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Appreciate you friend. While the world may be dunking on me lately, it’s folks like you who help me leave it all on the field and bring home the gold!

Sheila Moeschen's avatar

I feel you. Everything is a lot. Doggo time is what this doc orders-unlimited refills on that prescription. X!

Bria Knudsen's avatar

Kramer is the perfect allegory for kids on bikes, scooters, and skateboards!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Hahaha thanks Bria! Every time I read that part I could see him crashing through Jerry’s door in my mind.

Bria Knudsen's avatar

That’s what it feels like too, crashing into your field of view. Kramer on a bike.