For those of you subscribers who know me personally - and there are just about enough of you to field a CFL offense - I’m aware you’ve seen and heard less from me lately. If in reading that your first thought was, “uh, I have?” - you can go suck on a lemon.
I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been actively pursuing avenues to secure generational wealth. A pursuit that is finally paying dividends. Like, hella dividends.
A Wisconsin magazine has agreed to pay me $75 for an article about life as a high school football coach. Five years after leaving a career coaching football, my first paycheck comes from writing about it.
I don’t expect the money to change me. To that end, I plan to continue to secure my lunches at Kwik Trip rather than at The French Laundry. And if you know what The French Laundry is, please don’t tell anyone I do.
All kidding aside, I was pumped to get the assignment. I’ve had a few things published before, but never in exchange for usable currency. Someone trusted me with an assignment and a small portion of their budget. That makes it easier to explain what I do all day without using the word “journey.”
For now, though, I’m resisting the urge to make any major purchases. Toner for my new printer, for example, could set this whole operation back a fiscal year. Which brings me to an exciting opportunity for you.
I’m turning on paid subscriptions to SilentPunt: $5 a month or $30 for the year. Truth be told, I’d let y’all purchase a lifetime pass for the cost of a Tootsie Roll, but $5 a month or $30 a year are the cheapest prices allowable by law. Because apparently Substack prices my writing like 7-Eleven prices Marlboros.
Before you decide whether to take this bold financial leap, I’d like you to imagine Sarah McLachlan singing while a camera slowly approaches me at my desk.
But instead of a sad dog, it’s me:
Salt-and-pepper stubble. Bits of toilet paper stuck to my freshly shaved scalp, slowly turning red. Beside me, my Ember coffee mug, which this paycheck could cover half the cost of. The camera moves in on my +1.75 readers, then up to my eyebrows. Which are now an identical pair of Hitler mustaches…the rest of my hair having defected to my ears.
Actually Sarah, hold your Lilith Fair horses and cut the music. My coffee has its own thermostat. I’m going to be fine.
🐾 ☕️ 🐾 ☕️ 🐾 ☕️ 🐾 ☕️ 🐾 ☕️ 🐾 ☕️
Seriously though, I’ve been doing a lot of work lately that I really care about and would like to keep plugging away at. That’s meant writing, recording podcasts, and working on the John Matuszak biography. The bio has meant tons of interviews and research - including rabbit holes that begin with a simple question and end with a 6-foot-8 man ripping a door off its hinges.
And if somebody publishes the book, I’m going to start saying, “Let me run that by my people.”
And by ‘my people’ I’ll mean my wife.
Think of the paid option like passing the collection basket at church. Except you can ignore it without the granny behind you whispering to her husband that you’re going to burn in hell.
You won’t be receiving a second weekly newsletter or any additional emails. I assume you have things going on. And honestly, if I took anything else on right now, I’d probably go full Scanners.
The newsletter and podcast will stay free. Paying is simply a way to support the work, so I’m keeping the offer simple. But I do want to send you something. If you become a paid subscriber, I’ll mail you a handwritten thank-you note and a few SilentPunt bookmarks. A small reminder of me while you read a book published by an actual professional.
This is an opportunity to support an independent writer and receive several narrow pieces of cardboard. I understand if you need to discuss it with your spouse.
Either way, thanks for helping a former football coach adjust to his new surroundings. I’m good with kids, quasi-house-trained, and learning to sit and stay.
Still working on “leave it” when the officials miss pass interference.
Sarah, play me out.
And now for some cuter dogs, with book recs:
I picked up Irwin Yablans’s The Man Who Created Halloween as research for the Matuszak book (it was out of print, so I ended up with a signed, used copy). Do not read this book unless you are interested in the blatherings of old, racist, narcissistic men.
Julian Sancton’s Neptune’s Fortune is more up my alley, and it’s first on my list when football season ends. I’m looking forward to settling in with a billion-dollar shipwreck that I won’t have to grade on film.
Darla & Maverick are welcome to join me, although we’ll need to establish a few rules before this becomes an actual book club. “Don’t lick yourself while someone is talking” seems like a reasonable place to start.
I’m in. I’ll skip my Starbucks today — so you might not be my favorite guy from the hours of 1 to 5pm this afternoon but if I get my bookmark signed with the inscription “Hennything is possible” it’ll go along way during my temporary caffeine withdrawals.
Congratulations on getting paid for your writing! Thats a pretty huge accomplishment.