The antagonist is a has been writer who seeks relevance again. He finds out about the pen and wants to write his new story. Or, Hollywood style— really bad guys want the pen so they can rule the world. Hehe.
Mid-read, I absolutely googled "Lilly Pulitzer pen" and became equally confused! I kept wanting to highlight different parts of this, but eventually gave up when I realized there are just too many sentences that were literally perfect.
At 31 with three kids, I think I'm in this transition phase where I've mourned some of the unrealized ambitious, flashy dreams I had in my early 20s, but am also realizing that maybe those dreams weren't as worthwhile as I once thought after all. There's something about sipping coffee from my favorite mug when the house is still quiet in the morning, or standing on the back porch with my hands on my hips, looking at the grass. What a post, man.
That line about the pen being carried by someone wearing white gloves reminded me of the world’s most expensive tea. It can only be picked by male virgins wearing white gloves who have never eaten onion or garlic, and only under a full moon. Perhaps the pen is crafted under similar conditions?
It’s real, I saw it on James May: Our Man in India. I forgot to say they only pluck the tips of the tea leaves, not the whole leaves themselves. It costs like $2000/lb. or something!
I found some on Amazon. Also try your local brick and mortar stationery or office supply store. I think, also, Barnes and Noble may have them..I think I saw some in with the planners the last time I was there. Good luck!
My wife has read this piece and offered solutions as well. Apparently my inability to find them may stem from me being what is clinically referred to as a “bad looker” 🤣🤣🤣
This was a tease! Where is a photo of the pen? I am deeply invested at this point and need to help you find more of them. I deeply understand the love of a good pen. My husband frequently gets free ones from pens.com, trying to get him to order some for his business. I steal them. He doesn't mind because he does not use pens. (Can you imagine??) I can only pray that pens.com never discovers this and stops sending him (me) free pens.
The only question I have after reading this, is, was the pen decorated in a barf-worthy floral print??!! If so, Henny, I am afraid we can't be friends anymore.
Sorry Lisa, I guess I’m just not as shallow as you. I try to judge my writing utensils by their true personality, and by how they treat me. But if you’re comfortable shaming purveyors of ink well then I guess have at it!
Henny, even without a strong bench of backup “magic” pens, you’ve managed to craft a masterpiece here - kudos! Also, don’t mess with the GMTSA - they are quite litigious and definitely hold a grudge.
For some reason this reminds me of the psychopath riddle (girl meets guy at uncle’s funeral, doesn’t get his # …). You didn’t go buy a Lily P blouse just to get the pen, so I think we can assume you aren’t a psycho …?
This also made me realize I haven’t had great tartar sauce since I left WI.
"This was Bo Jackson in Tecmo Super Bowl, but for middle-aged handwriting." - now that I can appreciate. Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl was unstoppable (in real life, too).
I also know the feeling of that perfect pair of sweatpants. I have a green pair with massive holes in it and my ex tells me I look like a tramp (in the UK sense) in them, but I don't care, they're damn comfortable.
Thank you for helping in my search for this pen. It has been brought to my attention that this pen is available on eBay. I think the last time I bought something on eBay I was still in my 20s.
Although, according to my wife they are also still available (back ordered) on the Lilly website. Apparently online shopping is not a strong suit of mine 🤷🏼♂️
You are in luck. . .I bought a pack of 3 because they are cute so there are 2 more lurking in our house somewhere! 😉
This is why I love you.
Well, not the only reason, but still.
I enjoy that this wasn’t communicated before
😊
I love this dream! Funny yet poignant.
It made me think of a story. A writer finds a magical pen. Whatever story he writes comes true.
Shit I like that story Carissa!!
The antagonist is a has been writer who seeks relevance again. He finds out about the pen and wants to write his new story. Or, Hollywood style— really bad guys want the pen so they can rule the world. Hehe.
Your assistant is like mine. Only moral supportttssszzz ...
🤣🤣🤣
Mid-read, I absolutely googled "Lilly Pulitzer pen" and became equally confused! I kept wanting to highlight different parts of this, but eventually gave up when I realized there are just too many sentences that were literally perfect.
At 31 with three kids, I think I'm in this transition phase where I've mourned some of the unrealized ambitious, flashy dreams I had in my early 20s, but am also realizing that maybe those dreams weren't as worthwhile as I once thought after all. There's something about sipping coffee from my favorite mug when the house is still quiet in the morning, or standing on the back porch with my hands on my hips, looking at the grass. What a post, man.
Thanks dude! If only I’d have started to smell the roses when I was your age….I wouldn’t be stuck doing it in this decrepit body 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
That line about the pen being carried by someone wearing white gloves reminded me of the world’s most expensive tea. It can only be picked by male virgins wearing white gloves who have never eaten onion or garlic, and only under a full moon. Perhaps the pen is crafted under similar conditions?
I can’t tell if you’re talking about like a Simpson’s episode or if this is a legit thing???
It’s real, I saw it on James May: Our Man in India. I forgot to say they only pluck the tips of the tea leaves, not the whole leaves themselves. It costs like $2000/lb. or something!
That’s insane
I found some on Amazon. Also try your local brick and mortar stationery or office supply store. I think, also, Barnes and Noble may have them..I think I saw some in with the planners the last time I was there. Good luck!
My wife has read this piece and offered solutions as well. Apparently my inability to find them may stem from me being what is clinically referred to as a “bad looker” 🤣🤣🤣
This was a tease! Where is a photo of the pen? I am deeply invested at this point and need to help you find more of them. I deeply understand the love of a good pen. My husband frequently gets free ones from pens.com, trying to get him to order some for his business. I steal them. He doesn't mind because he does not use pens. (Can you imagine??) I can only pray that pens.com never discovers this and stops sending him (me) free pens.
Gotta read last week’s piece to see the pen in action 😉.
Never uses pens?!?! Are you sure we can trust this man???
I love everything about this piece… including your wife’s comment!
Thanks for reading and for letting me know Lindsay!!!
The only question I have after reading this, is, was the pen decorated in a barf-worthy floral print??!! If so, Henny, I am afraid we can't be friends anymore.
Sorry Lisa, I guess I’m just not as shallow as you. I try to judge my writing utensils by their true personality, and by how they treat me. But if you’re comfortable shaming purveyors of ink well then I guess have at it!
😉
Pens matter😂. Thanks for your slice of life and making me smile!
Thanks for reading and commenting Suzie, glad it gave you a smile!
Henny, even without a strong bench of backup “magic” pens, you’ve managed to craft a masterpiece here - kudos! Also, don’t mess with the GMTSA - they are quite litigious and definitely hold a grudge.
Thanks Bill! Litigious is such a sweet word. I need to work it into my daily vocabulary.
Henny, Henny, Henny, this might be the greatest thing I ever read. I wish I could give you a promo pen as a reward. 👏👏👏
😱🤯🤩
Holy shit Shelly, that comment is reward enough!!!!
It’s sooooooo good! So good I couldn’t decide on a passage to use in my restack!
☺️
Also, long story, but today I remembered getting chased by security guards in Washington DC when I was on a school trip in middle school.
We were throwing pop-its (not popcorn!) at parked cars.
For some reason this reminds me of the psychopath riddle (girl meets guy at uncle’s funeral, doesn’t get his # …). You didn’t go buy a Lily P blouse just to get the pen, so I think we can assume you aren’t a psycho …?
This also made me realize I haven’t had great tartar sauce since I left WI.
Ha! I was wondering if anyone would get the subtle fish fry reference.
I’ve never heard of the psychopath riddle…
And I was getting it wrong (uncle seems less terrible than mom - apologies to my very good uncles)
https://neurolaunch.com/psychopath-riddle-funeral/
“but researchers don’t recognize it as a validated measure of antisocial traits”. Killing your sister is NOT antisocial??? 🤣🤣
Has all the Lily Pulitzer clicking totally destroyed your algorithm?
If by destroyed you mean transformed it into a delightfully colored amalgamation of shit I don’t need, then the answer is yes.
"This was Bo Jackson in Tecmo Super Bowl, but for middle-aged handwriting." - now that I can appreciate. Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl was unstoppable (in real life, too).
I also know the feeling of that perfect pair of sweatpants. I have a green pair with massive holes in it and my ex tells me I look like a tramp (in the UK sense) in them, but I don't care, they're damn comfortable.
And, they don’t make sweatpants like they used to! Stupid microfiber crap, give me 100% cotton or give me death!
Do you have any idea how many results a search for “Lily Pulitzer pen” on EBay has? I don’t, but only because there were too many to count.
Thank you for helping in my search for this pen. It has been brought to my attention that this pen is available on eBay. I think the last time I bought something on eBay I was still in my 20s.
Although, according to my wife they are also still available (back ordered) on the Lilly website. Apparently online shopping is not a strong suit of mine 🤷🏼♂️
Substack, where dreams literally can come true.