71 Comments
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Rosa Maria's avatar

Nice travel through time, avoiding essential themes. This made my afternoon.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks for letting me know!

Steve Goldberg's avatar

I love this piece so much. I wish I wrote it. I hope you don’t mind if I link to it in my next installment of my male friendships series.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Heck no! What a compliment, thank you!!

Chris Stanton's avatar

I can tell you how much I liked this because I’m not looking at you.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Your discretion is noted

And, thanks!

Michael Maupin's avatar

"Entire friendships have existed for decades on little more than shared activities, directional nods, and occasional observations about the stupidity of others." You do realize my friend that honesty like this can bring you a world of hurt in most male-dominated cultures. I...I don't want to get in trouble with "the guys" so...yeah. Enough said.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

they can bring it for all I care

🤣🤣

Michael Maupin's avatar

Callin’ on you, Coach, when Bubba and his goons make the rounds! Lol.

Andrew Careaga's avatar

I enjoyed this immensely. You strike the perfect neutral tone of an anthropologist or sociologist, never deviating throughout. Bravo.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks so much Andrew, appreciate it!

Jack Jackson's avatar

I’d love to give a tongue in cheek comment to this, but it would just be a distraction from a perfect piece. Excellent work.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Holy cow Jack - what a compliment, thanks so much!!

Bill Southern's avatar

Nice piece, Henny - worth resharing. I recall peeing against the actual concrete wall at Dyche Stadium (Northwestern), with a drain in the floor, when attending games there as a youth. No eye contact, because you wanted to ensure the trickle wasn’t migrating towards your shoes.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

I had to google that. Ryan Field. Guess they renamed it? For a big wig?

Always gotta avoid the trickle

Bill Southern's avatar

Yeah - Patrick Ryan, insurance company billionaire.

Shelly Mazzanoble's avatar

Damn, Henny, you did THE WORK! Loved it!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Aw shucks, thanks Shelly!!!

Larry Urish's avatar

Oh, man, this one is chock full 'o gems.

You had me at:

“Tracks.”

“River east.”

“Weather turning.”

“Think Greg’s marriage is okay?”

And the one I'm going to restack:

Wisconsin taxpayers eventually decided that if they were going to publicly fund an 80,000-seat football stadium, they could at least ensure Brad from Manitowoc didn’t have to drain twenty-five dollars’ worth of Leinenkugel’s while accidentally locking eyes with Frank from West Allis across a municipal piss aqueduct.

Good stuff!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks Larry!

And thanks for finally being the one to publicly recognize the English abuse that is piss aqueduct 🤣🤣🤣. That was my favorite part to write.

Larry Urish's avatar

The way you laid it out is really clever. The timing, the tone, everything.

Wonderful wordsmithing.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Appreciate it dude

Steven S. Neff's avatar

Absolutely epic. Best thing I’ve read in a bit. Creative, funny, and sneakily insightful.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks so much man, glad you enjoyed…and shared it!!

Steven S. Neff's avatar

My pleasure

Matt Cyr's avatar

Dude, great meeting up this weekend. Need a post like this on why guys cannot and/or refuse to ask for directions. My car, it’s right over here… 7k steps later. 😆

My favorite part of this post is there are lines where the humor is so dry I wasn’t even sure if you were trying to be funny. Guys catching up, watching literally anything other than each other… seriously, what’s wrong with that? Jokes aside, it made me realize something about my book that I def need to work in more of these non-verbal tells during dialogue. It’s such a succinct and accurate way to capture authenticity. Did a great job making fun of that in a fun way for all.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks Dude!

Yes…we were two for two in not knowing where tf we were going 🤣

Justin Barber's avatar

Loved this; it's so true! You should check out the Men's Shed movement. It started in Australia in the 80s, keeping this "shoulder to shoulder" principle in mind. It's basically dudes getting together to do different projects like carpentry or community service, but it has a sort of mentor and peer support dimension to it. Different sorts of "sheds" too. Some of them are geared toward first responders, disabled vets, etc. The underlying principle is "health by stealth" by grouping the men up to do things. There's been some cool research about how it's positively impacted men's health and emotional wellbeing.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Just checked that out - very cool! Have you ever participated in one?

Justin Barber's avatar

Alas...none in my state. Maybe time for me to start one!

Melanie's avatar

I love men. Please don’t ever change. 💛

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Hahaha! No worries Melanie, we’ve tried…and we can’t 🤣

Sheila Moeschen's avatar

Brilliant. All that emotional labor to avoid emotional labor. No wonder you guys invented paint ball 👏🏼💥

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Fuck yeah! All the shootin and none of the dying? Sign my ass up!

Diane Roth's avatar

This is truly brilliant, Henny. I will look at American males differently--or not at all--because of this highly amusing and insightful history! Awesome!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Ha, thanks! And feel free to continue to make eye contact with us. We’re not afraid of you guys, just our own kind 🤣

Lindsey @ Not Normal's avatar

I have always wondered what the conversation/eye contact situation at urinals was- thank you for answering this existential question.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Maybe for my next urine-forward piece I’ll talk about those absolute psychopaths who choose to start up a conversation with you while at the urinal next to you.

Lindsey @ Not Normal's avatar

“Urine-forward” Is my new favorite phrase. Unfortunately, it is appropriate for many situations at my house!