An Interview with Elon Musk's Consigliere

Plus dogs

(Earlier this week my family and I celebrated the fourth anniversary of the surgery that saved my life. A forever amount of kudos to my wife, Kim, for handling literally everything during that time <including breakfast in bed with my meds, every day >.

In football parlance, she was a dog. My hope for all of you is that you have a Kim in your life….if not now, in the very near future.)

An Interview with Elon Musk’s Consigliere

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about consiglieri. Spell check tells me that consiglieri is the plural of the word consigliere, which means a trusted, behind-the-scenes advisor. I think that would be an awesome job. You get all the benefits of being in a winning organization, without any of the hassle or scrutiny.

Consider:

🤌🏼 Robert Duval to Marlon Brando in The Godfather

As head of the Corleone crime family, Brando’s character had to deal with all sorts of challenging issues: extortion, racketeering, bookmaking, and murder. All of which put a target squarely on his back….and eventually put five bullets in it as well. Duval’s character gets to ride Brando’s coattails and play a vital role in the organization. That is, until the subsequent movies, when Al Pacino’s character marginalizes Duval because he is not fully Sicilian. Kind of a bullishit move coming from a guy that famously said this….

⚾️ Don Zimmer to Joe Torre for the Yankees.

After an up and down career as a manager¹, Zimmer joined Torre’s Yankees in 1996 as bench coach and de facto consigliere. His arrival coincided with the ascension of that iteration of the Yankees, who eventually played in six World Series, winning four. Although most remember him primarily for getting man-spiked by Pedro Martinez.

🏈 Ernie Adams to Bill Belichick for the Patriots

Pretty much everyone knows the story of Bill Belichick’s success in New England. What most don’t know is the role Adams played behind the scenes. Many consider Belichick a coaching genius. If that’s true, then he is the mini-me to Adams’ Dr. Evil. Adams was such a football savant that when he was in eighth grade his school recruited him to coach the team. His gifted eye for the game, coupled with a chance connection to Belichick early in their lives, led to a partnership that spanned four decades, three NFL franchises, and eight Super Bowl victories.

In all of those instances the consigliere job sounds like way more fun than the head honcho. Which got me thinking…again.

Who is someone that’s a huge deal now? Someone with a really cool career who’s had a lot of success, but who always seems to be under extensive scrutiny. It didn’t take long to think of Elon Musk.

After extensive research, fueled entirely by coffee and Crown Royal, I was able to track down Musk’s right-hand man, Johan Scarneccia (pronounced yo-hahn scar-neck-ia).

Below is an edited transcript of my brief interview with Johan:

HH: When did you first meet Elon?

JS: We met in Secondary School growing up in South Africa. He was shy and introverted, and we met as fellow members of the “Keep Apartheid Legal” club. A few weeks before Senior Ball he was still without a date and I introduced him to my friend, Anita Kok. Anita was a real weirdo too, so I figured they’d hit it off…and they did. Elon and I have been thick as thieves ever since.

HH: I know Elon emigrated to Canada after completing his schooling in South Africa, did you as well?

JS: No. Unfortunately, my visa application got caught up in red tape. If I remember correctly, it had something to do with my football hooligan phase. Elon and I connected several years later when I got my papers in order and we both enrolled at the University of Pennsylvania. That’s in Philadelphia in America. They are apparently welcoming of hooligans.

HH: How was your time together at Penn?

JS: We developed a kind of simpatico relationship. He was the brains, I was the groundwork and connections guy. We were both members of Mask & Wig…that’s like Skull and Bones at Yale…but way more racist. I mean selective. You’re gonna edit this, right? Anyway, senior year, I rigged it so Elon got elected Commandant…that’s like what you people call President, except it sounds all Marxist-y, so it’s way cooler. Elon was impressed with my ability to get membership behind him. In actuality all it took was five thousand dollars in Wawa gift cards.

HH: Did you begin working together after Penn?

JS: No. He had some fits and starts out in California trying to get connected in the world of Silicon Valley. At the time, I was busy trying to get connected to broads in the Lehigh Valley.

HH: Johan, broads is not an appropriate word to refer to women as.

JS: My apologies. That’s what everyone in Philly called them.

HH: Moving on, when did you reconnect with Elon?

JS: It wasn’t until he sold PayPal and came into some serious money. I was working for a Chrysler dealership in Allentown at the time and needed a new gig anyway. There was an incident.

Name that movie.

HH: So he hired you to help him launch SpaceX?

JS: Correct. In the beginning I was kind of an idea man. It was actually me who came up with the initial idea of purchasing ICBM’s from Russia. But when that failed and SpaceX shifted to building it’s own rockets, I shifted to a more behind-the-scenes role. My job was basically to tell him, “Hey, maybe don’t tweet that.”

HH: And you’ve continued with him ever since, through all of his different companies, and his most recent stint with the federal government?

JS: Indeed. It’s been a wild ride. I’ve been like the wildebeest to his zebra, the ying to his yang, the Goebbels to his Hitler.

HH: Again, Johan, that reference is not appropriate.

JS: Ah yes. Sometimes I slip back into my native tongue, Afrikaans.

HH: But you said that in English.

JS: Snert.²

HH: Moving on, what is your role these days?

JS: Well, we’ve shifted heavily into Al, but honestly, his primary focus these days is on robotic children. If we don’t accelerate that program, he’s going to reproduce fast enough to colonize Mars himself.

HH: Speaking of that, do you help manage his personal affairs as well?

JS: Who told you about the affairs?

HH: No, sorry, I meant like, his private life stuff.

JS: Ah, got it, and yes I do.

HH: What’s the most challenging part of that?

JS: Honestly, squeezing in these paternity tests between rocket launches is becoming a real bitch.

🏁🏁 🏁🏁 🏁🏁

Hit the ❤️ button if this made you laugh, please & thank you!

🐶 🦴 🐾 🐶 🦴 🐾 🐶 🦴 🐾

This week’s shelter dogs…

The last squishy-faced guy isn't colored like that, he came in with mange.

…and lastly, smoothies with Maverick…

1. Before writing this I only ever remembered Zimmer managing the Cubs, and doing a bad job of it. He actually had a decent stint there, as well as a few other places.

2. Afrikaans for rubbish, or nonsense.