Such a solid piece my friend. I can't even imagine the pressure that coaches on all levels, all athletic disciplines are under and how that seeps into life on and off the field. It's awesome that you're doing the reflection you're doing; I'm sure it's only making your writing and relationships so much richer. And even I know that Mercury is an unrivaled nickname.
Well. Damn. I won comment of the week!! Also, Frankl is one of my favorites and his work changed the way I practiced with clients. I whole heartedly agree with your realizations, our sense of worth of course has external validation sprinkled in it. We live in community and it’s natural, normal, and necessary to desire validation. HOWEVER, the best is when you have a secure enough sense of self that YOU validate YOU. That validation can never be taken ✨
Boy, I remember that Dolphins team well: the “Killer B’s; Larry Csonka; Paul Warfield; Jim Kiick; Mercury Morris; Bob Griese; Garo Yepremian; and Don Shula. What can I say? The Bears sucked back then.
I think you hit on a very important point; that true and lasting validation has to come from yourself. You are the only one that is guaranteed to be around your entire life. Everyone and everything else is in flux and could be gone or can change at any moment.
My youngest turned 18 Thursday. That was weird and sad? He was so little just a few minutes ago. Then he had 4 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, and that was a little unsettling thinking about the pain he was going to feel and they put him under and that's always a little scary.
You just never know. When random shit happens to other people you always think, wow, that was random. I'm grateful for the things I have and for the things I don't have to go through, but aware that anything is possible.
This is my sphere, Henny. I could discuss philosophy, existentialism, etc all day. We’ve actually had similar experiences on our chosen paths. Yours was football, mine was horses, but similar epiphanies. I enjoyed reading this. ❤️
I gave up everything to do it, Henny. I didn’t realize it at first, but I did later, and chose to stay the course. Part of that decision definitely leaned into the fallacy of “sunken costs” (I’m so close!), but a choice nonetheless. While I have amazing memories from those experiences, there were some hard lessons, too. Your new University President’s “re-org” hit a little close to home. The Dunning Krueger effect lives everywhere….😬
Your feelings about your coaching record are all too human. I can relate. I read Frankl when I was I high school and it has stayed with me ever since. He teaches that the essence of humanity is free will. Even in the harshest situation, it cannot be taken away from you. Excellent connection between wildly different subjects. Oh and I am buying your book recommendation.
This was wonderful. I love how you tied together the theme of validation from very different sources. Yes. Validation should always come from within. A paycheck helps tho. 😉
Thanks Carissa! And totally! I would 100% still be coaching if we needed my salary.
I left this part out (because I try pretty hard to not make things about me), but I had been considering leaving coaching for several years before actually doing so. I was worried if I left and had a change of heart, that I wouldn’t be able to get back in. The lockdown showed me I wouldn’t miss it at all. I had a great time actually 🤣🤷🏻♂️
Great post. I was skeptical when I read the subtitle as it included a man, Frankl, for which I have immense respect and then Morris who, imo, was ahead of his time on the need to be seen. Masterful job using such disparate examples.
It also made me think a ton (in a good way) about what the healthy mix is for internal and external validation. I don’t know what the right balance is, if it’s 80/20 or what. But something like 99/1 prob looks, and upon honest introspection, feels pretty self-absorbed and isolated. Validation from our spouse, children, if we genuinely sought none of that… that strikes me as a rather lonely way to live and grow old.
Such a solid piece my friend. I can't even imagine the pressure that coaches on all levels, all athletic disciplines are under and how that seeps into life on and off the field. It's awesome that you're doing the reflection you're doing; I'm sure it's only making your writing and relationships so much richer. And even I know that Mercury is an unrivaled nickname.
Right?!? Goddamn baller nickname. Appreciate the comments!
Yeah. Is there a rule about retiring nicknames? There should be a rule. Make a few calls, would you?
On it 🫡
Well. Damn. I won comment of the week!! Also, Frankl is one of my favorites and his work changed the way I practiced with clients. I whole heartedly agree with your realizations, our sense of worth of course has external validation sprinkled in it. We live in community and it’s natural, normal, and necessary to desire validation. HOWEVER, the best is when you have a secure enough sense of self that YOU validate YOU. That validation can never be taken ✨
Amen Taylor!!!
Boy, I remember that Dolphins team well: the “Killer B’s; Larry Csonka; Paul Warfield; Jim Kiick; Mercury Morris; Bob Griese; Garo Yepremian; and Don Shula. What can I say? The Bears sucked back then.
Yeah, and how about those ‘85 Dolphins? 😉
Yeah, they weren’t too shabby as well.
I think you hit on a very important point; that true and lasting validation has to come from yourself. You are the only one that is guaranteed to be around your entire life. Everyone and everything else is in flux and could be gone or can change at any moment.
Exactly, and I am always torn by the thought of that. Particularly when it comes to my closest relationships.
My youngest turned 18 Thursday. That was weird and sad? He was so little just a few minutes ago. Then he had 4 wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, and that was a little unsettling thinking about the pain he was going to feel and they put him under and that's always a little scary.
You just never know. When random shit happens to other people you always think, wow, that was random. I'm grateful for the things I have and for the things I don't have to go through, but aware that anything is possible.
Same. As I was reading that I was thinking it feels like you and I have talked about this sort of thing before.
Indeed 😊✌️
Cal Raleigh has a good nickname
Big Dumper is indeed outstanding
This is my sphere, Henny. I could discuss philosophy, existentialism, etc all day. We’ve actually had similar experiences on our chosen paths. Yours was football, mine was horses, but similar epiphanies. I enjoyed reading this. ❤️
Thanks Jenn. I’ve kinda wondered that about you, your commitment to horses seemed to have been all-consuming at times. From what I’ve read anyway.
I wouldn’t trade what I did all those years, but once you stop, you realize all of the things you had been missing.
I gave up everything to do it, Henny. I didn’t realize it at first, but I did later, and chose to stay the course. Part of that decision definitely leaned into the fallacy of “sunken costs” (I’m so close!), but a choice nonetheless. While I have amazing memories from those experiences, there were some hard lessons, too. Your new University President’s “re-org” hit a little close to home. The Dunning Krueger effect lives everywhere….😬
In football speak we said those people “don’t know that they don’t know.”
The worst.
Your feelings about your coaching record are all too human. I can relate. I read Frankl when I was I high school and it has stayed with me ever since. He teaches that the essence of humanity is free will. Even in the harshest situation, it cannot be taken away from you. Excellent connection between wildly different subjects. Oh and I am buying your book recommendation.
I don’t know if I’ve met anyone that’s read Man’s Search for Meaning who hasn’t come away a changed person.
You’ll love the Diesel book! It does get a smidge slow in the middle but stick with it, the ending will knock your socks off!
This was wonderful. I love how you tied together the theme of validation from very different sources. Yes. Validation should always come from within. A paycheck helps tho. 😉
Thanks Carissa! And totally! I would 100% still be coaching if we needed my salary.
I left this part out (because I try pretty hard to not make things about me), but I had been considering leaving coaching for several years before actually doing so. I was worried if I left and had a change of heart, that I wouldn’t be able to get back in. The lockdown showed me I wouldn’t miss it at all. I had a great time actually 🤣🤷🏻♂️
That’s a great realization. 👏
Great post. I was skeptical when I read the subtitle as it included a man, Frankl, for which I have immense respect and then Morris who, imo, was ahead of his time on the need to be seen. Masterful job using such disparate examples.
It also made me think a ton (in a good way) about what the healthy mix is for internal and external validation. I don’t know what the right balance is, if it’s 80/20 or what. But something like 99/1 prob looks, and upon honest introspection, feels pretty self-absorbed and isolated. Validation from our spouse, children, if we genuinely sought none of that… that strikes me as a rather lonely way to live and grow old.