Empty Calories & Male Curiosity, #24

George W. Bush and Snooki: Why do we fall for this crap?

QUICK HITTERS:

1. Shout-out to all you readers who liked last week’s article, it was my most-read and liked one yet! And Scott S - thanks for reading and commenting in real life! We’ll make readers out of those golfers any day now 😂

   

   Anyone else miss Ali G?

2. This week I am recommending the book Who Is Government: The Untold Story of Public Service, edited by Michael Lewis. This book, compiled by Lewis, takes each chapter and highlights one unsung hero within our government. He wrote several chapters himself as well, but I was most excited to read the chapter by my favorite author, Sarah Vowell. She’s been M.I.A. for a while, so it was great reading something of hers again. The news often fixates on all the negatives associated with our government, so this was a welcome change from that.

   

   This was as close as I could get Darla to the book 😂.

3. In conjunction with this week’s book recommendation, I’m also going to recommend a podcast: Revisionist History, by Malcolm Gladwell. I love all the episodes, but one of the latest fits hand in hand with this week’s book recommendation. In it, Gladwell discusses interviewers and the questions they ask. Or more specifically, the follow-up questions they DON’T ask and how that can shape and manipulate opinion. You can find the episode here, or on Apple or Spotify.

4. Speaking of Apple and Spotify, did you know you could find the newest episode of the SilentPunt Podcast there, as well as here? Now you do!

   Shout out to subscriber & Substacker Bill Southern for helping me find the word ‘groomsmen.’ Good lord I am dumb.

   In this week’s episode of OVERTIME we talk about Alcatraz. (Feel free to skip this if you are offended by the F word😬)

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GOING DEEP:

George W. Bush and Snooki: Why do we fall for this crap?

I ran into Snooki last week. Ok, ran into is a stretch. I saw her. She had a daughter competing at the same cheer competition as my daughter¹. She looked just as Jersey Shore in person as you’d expect. Trashy, tan, and short as hell. Wearing a stupid hat for good measure.

I had to Google her to make sure I spelled her name right. Apparently, it is not spelled Snookie, because of course it’s not. When you are busy embodying our American ethos of celebrity, who can be bothered with proper grammar?

Did you know Snooki is a New York Times best-selling author? Of course you didn’t. Because you never bought any of her books. I bet I could poll every human I met for the next twelve months as to whether or not they’ve ever purchased a book written by Snooki, and not a single one would admit to doing so. 

Who in their right mind would ever acknowledge doing such a thing?

This is me at Disney last week at the cheer comp. I’d prefer to post a picture of my teenage daughter here, but she would quite possibly have me tarred and feathered if she found out.

I was in an airport recently and they had a bunch of George W. Bush’s paintings on display. I remember walking past and being reminded of how terrible a painter he was. I’ve seen his work before, and it has always been terrible. 

If you are not aware, W paints pictures of former soldiers. As far as I know, he has never admitted what an abject failure the war in Iraq was. So it is clear to me that this is some type of Freudian situation.

This is not the first time I’ve seen his paintings. I’ve read about them before and seen him do interviews about them. Apparently he started doing them in 2009. In the sixteen years since, he has not improved. We shouldn’t be surprised. He was president for eight years and didn’t seem to get much better at that either.

Who knew Mike Myers could be so prescient?

When I think of the W-Snooki dynamic duo, the first word that comes to mind is awful. And when I say awful, I am not speaking of their character. I truly don’t believe that W is an awful person. And I’ve never met Snooki or watched one second of anything she’s done…so who knows?

Maybe she’s a ride or die type chick. Albeit with bad linguistic skills.

When I say awful, I am talking about what they produce. Snooki with her books and W with his paintings. What is funny to me is people’s unwillingness to speak to the truth of it. In Snooki’s case it is out of embarrassment. No one wants to admit that they like trashy shit. 

In W’s case I think it is some odd combination of reverence and guilt. Reverence in that no one wants to make a mockery of the subjects of his paintings. (And nor should they.) Guilt in that W’s lack of gumption and mental acuity represents our own collective lack of gumption and mental acuity. 

I watched Colin Powell at the UN. 

I believed him. 

Did you?

Although his speech at the UN was a major blemish on an otherwise sterling career, wouldn’t we all love a man of his character sitting in the Oval Office right about now?

Time and time again, Americans like me fall for trash. Whether that trash is a diversion like Jersey Shore or trash in the form of lies that our government tells us:

The sinking of the USS Maine in 1898², Gulf of Tonkin³, and weapons of mass destruction in Iraq⁴. For you non-history buffs, these are three historical incidents where our government lied in order to drag us into a war of choice.

The current state of American affairs is like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch: the floating, 617,000 square mile long island of plastic trash in the Pacific Ocean⁵. Everywhere I go I see people staring at their phones. These folks are not reading, and they are not checking emails. 

They are scrolling.

I can tell by the constant swiping up. They are watching ten second videos of some variation of cute animals, dudes getting kicked in the balls, and women with big asses. 

And our government? They have taken trash to a new level. A daily barrage to stupid that is almost incomprehensible to fathom. And that is the point. Some folks will fixate on every new insane story. Some will become so numb to it that they tune it out. And in between, a grifter is robbing us blind. Not just of booty but of our American ideals.

And no, I’m not talking about Snooki’s booty. 

PS: Immediately after writing the first draft of this, I opened my phone to check my email. The first message I saw was an ad from the New York Times. It was for an article about the Met Gala.

I could not make this up. 

Rome is burning.

1. Tiki Barber’s daughter was also on that team. I only mention this in case any Giants fans are reading this, so I can remind you what a POS he is. Some of you may remember, but he was caught cheating on his pregnant wife…then divorced her when she was 7 months pregnant.

2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Maine_(1889)

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulf_of_Tonkin_incident

4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iraq_and_weapons_of_mass_destruction

5. https://education.nationalgeographic.org/resource/great-pacific-garbage-patch/