QUICK HITTERS:
This edition of the newsletter was inspired by a comment my teenage daughter made to me this week on vacation. She said, “Dad, thanks for liking me.” Very occasionally the universe sends you signs that maybe you are doing something right as a parent and I am taking this as one of those times.
Don’t worry, the very next day she told me I was annoying and to stop bothering her. The universe giveth and it taketh away.
If you are a Costco member and haven’t tried their Basil Pesto I highly recommend it. Goes great with lots of stuff but I use it mainly with chicken, pasta, & pizza.
I made this version last week and added some roasted cauliflower and grated parmesan. This week’s book recommendation is The Legend of Bagger Vance, by Steven Pressfield. The reason I’m doing this book in this particular edition of my newsletter is two-fold: First, I read it this week while on the beach and it was outstanding1. Second, it is an example of a parental seed planted years ago that has finally flowered. Back in college my mom gave me Pressfield’s Gates Of Fire which is a fictionalized telling of the Battle of Thermopylae. Even though I wasn’t a reader back then I loved it. This past winter I read Pressfield’s The War of Art and that inspired me to read this book.
Maverick, Darla, & one of their doggy friends at boarding this week while we were away. Since all parents want their children to be fully prepared for adulthood when it arrives, this week’s poll question is regarding reading & education. One of my fellow Substackers, (Susan Niemann), in jest coined the term MASA (Make America Smart Again). I love t-shirts, so….
5. This week’s GOING DEEP is a short article I attempted to sell this past fall. If you are a parent please let me know if it resonates, and feel free to share it with others here….
GOING DEEP:
9 Signs You Are A Good Youth Sport Parent
We all know those parents. The ones that force their kids into a sport. That yell and scream from the sidelines. That are constantly complaining about the refs, gossiping about other children, and politicking behind the scenes to make sure their kid gets more playing time. Parents that just generally make everyone else’s experience miserable. Even their own child’s.
Wondering if maybe sometimes you cross the line? Check out these 9 signs to see if you are a good youth sport parent.
You show up. This seems easy. But you appreciate that showing up is more than just the literal. It means you are off your phone. You are present. Something all of us adults struggle to accomplish in a world that is offering us a dizzying array of choices.
You sit down. You accept that you have no control over whatever happens out there, either for your child or the team. Whatever the result, your response to that outcome is what matters - just like your child’s. Every win, loss, bump, and scratch is an opportunity to teach your child something. Use it.
You don’t coach from the sidelines. You may very well know more than the coach of the team in a particular sport. But you know the coach is the one that volunteered for the job and needs your support.
You don’t yell at the officials. Without the refs there would be no game. And you understand that they are not doing it for the money, but rather for their love of the sport and their commitment to the community.
You cheer for your child. But more importantly you cheer for things like their effort, sportsmanship, and teamwork. When they are 25 years old you won’t care about that goal they scored as a 10 year old, but you will appreciate the young adult they have become.
You cheer for other children. There is a lot of great stuff going on - see it all! The best parents are the ones that will even give a, “wow, that was nice” to the other team when warranted.
When the game is over you give your child what they need. If they want to linger with their teammates, let them linger. If they wanna get gone ASAP, get gone. If they want to cry, let them cry. If they need a hug, hug them. And if they want to tell you all about it - rejoice & be happy!
You volunteer for stuff. You don’t have to be the team parent or go above and beyond. But you feel the need to do something. Because you are cognizant of all of the hard work others are putting in to give your child this opportunity and you want to be a part of it.
You are comfortable saying “I don’t know.” The sooner your child learns that nobody on the planet has the answers to everything, the sooner they will lose the anxiety around all of the unknowns they are facing growing up. If you, the strongest person they know, are comfortable with unknowns, then surely they can grow to be as well.
Lastly, take a piece of advice from George Costanza and leave on a high note. Offer advice to your child when they ask for it. Realize that it’s not your job to give them all of the answers. Just the answers they are looking for.
The book is definitely better than the movie starring Matt Damon & Will Smith from back in the day.
I coached a lot of youth baseball with my kids, and checked out just as the kids were developing into real athletes - that's when the parents started getting weird about it: playing time for their kids, slotting them at certain positions and not caring as much about the post-game snacks - check, please!
Nine signs are all outstanding. #2 made me think about the common denominator I see with youth sports parents gone awry- it’s almost always the parent making the situation about him/herself, ie Lavar Ball. And most of the time the “adults” don’t even realize they’re doing that. When you keep your child and his/her experience top of mind, it’s easier to execute on these 9 signs.
I haven’t read Legend of Bagger Vance (sincere thanks for the rec) but I have absolutely no doubt it’s better than that movie. Adding it to my TBR list.