Empty Calories & Male Curiosity, #12
Valentine's Day Is Stupid: An Ode To My Wife
QUICK HITTERS:
Go Birds 🦅
This week’s book recommendation is Raw Dog, by Jamie Loftus. I bought this at an airport bookstore before vacation last summer. I already had three books with me but it just sounded so good. Wound up reading it the entire trip and none of the others. If you love hot dogs (or hate them for that matter) and humor you should buy this book. It’s a riot, plus you learn some really cool stuff about hot dogs. Also, just found out she has a four episode (only!) podcast on Spotify…I’ll be checking that out shortly.
Woke Mavy up from a nap for this week’s photoshoot.
More dog stuff, the furry variety: Thanks to Cindy Ojczyk for inviting me to contribute to her PetStack to talk about our two crazy dogs. You can check that post out HERE.
Thanks also to Sarah Allen for her post earlier this week with Valentine’s Day writing prompts. One of them got me through a pickle with this week’s GOING DEEP. You can check that out as well as many more of her resources HERE.
The other day Travis & I talked about our love of dogs on the 8th episode of the SilentPunt Podcast (here). In this week’s OVERTIME we talk about things a woman could say to a man that a man could never say to a woman. Travis made me laugh so hard I cried.
Men: Make sure to drop other good ones in the comments section!
No podcast poll this week. Next week Travis and I will argue with each other about the state of NBA basketball. Prepare to be riveted.
I beg of you, please share this newsletter with others…..
GOING DEEP:
Valentine’s Day Is Stupid: An Ode To My Wife
When you are young Valentine’s Day is vitally important. If you are not in a relationship it can often make you sad. If you are in a relationship it can often be stressful. What can I do for this person to show them how much I love them?
Flowers and candy. That’s what I remember guys were supposed to get girls for Vday. I was poor on the first Vday with my wife so I'm pretty sure there were no flowers involved. There was a poem I wrote and a mix-tape I made. I don’t remember what she got me1. Most likely something thoughtful that I couldn’t afford.
Eventually we both came to realize that Vday is stupid. A made-up, greeting card holiday. In referencing ‘made-up’ I am referring to Hallmark and definitely not the Catholic Church.
Or am I?
Nowadays2 we try to make every day feel like Vday. Not with grand gestures or fancy chocolates. With simple things that we know the other needs. I find my wife extraordinarily attractive. I think she thinks I’m cute too. But I’m pretty sure I’m never hotter in her eyes than when I am folding laundry or cooking dinner. Or spending time with our daughter.
When I initially started to write this piece I had a few personal stories included. Stories from past times in our relationship. Some sweet, some sad, some hilarious. But as I read them later they felt icky.
Not for any reason other than I felt they should just be ours.
Our stories.
Little things in our life that make us happy with each other. Things like pillows and duvets 😉.
Have you ever had some local hole in the wall restaurant that you just love? Then for one reason or the other it becomes a place where you can’t ever get a table? That’s kinda how I feel about our stories. Like if I put pen to paper and shared them the magic would be lost.
However, I can share this one because those that know us have seen it in action….
My memory sucks. I’m sure some of it is genetic3 and some of it is from physical trauma to my brain, but at least some of it is completely my fault. When I don’t care about something enough I don’t listen. And when I don’t listen I don’t remember.
This is frustrating for my wife. Sometimes when she really needs me to remember something she puts her two hands on my cheeks, gets very close, and in her best ‘dumb boy’ voice4 says, “Henny are you listening? Listen Henny, this is what I need you to remember….”.
It’s kind of become a fun thing we do.
This makes me happy. I’m not completely sure why. Maybe it's her cheeky-ness5. Or maybe it's the voice. Or maybe it's from the time she grabbed my face like that, told me how much she loved me, and told me that I wasn’t going to die. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt loved that fiercely before.
I think maybe when you love someone unconditionally the lens you view them through can be skewed. This may explain why one of my most annoying habits has actually become kind of cute to her.
This is made even more impressive because of my memory for random, inappropriate movie lines that I regurgitate at the most inopportune of times. For example, I can tell you from experience that quoting from Jay & Silent Bob at a table full of actuaries will not go well.
I don’t believe in heaven in the traditional sense with the pearly white gates and all. But I do believe there is more to the universe than we can touch and see.
This love that we have for each other has to go somewhere when we are both gone. Maybe the universe absorbs it. Maybe it transfers into our daughter. Maybe we take it with us.
Or maybe all of the above.
Either way I know one thing for certain:
This love is forever.
This is foreshadowing for those of you keeping track.
Yes I just used the word nowadays. I’m gonna be fifty this year so why don’t you just go ahead and get the fu*k off my lawn 😂.
Cough, cough…I’m looking in your direction dad.
Ladies you all have one of these and they all sound the same.
See what I did there?
Having been married 40 years, I’ve learned absolutely nothing about relationships. But I do know this: wives are convinced their husbands are stupid - that’s why their instructions for us are always so explicit.
Sounds like you have a real marriage, not a made-for-tv version. Congrats on seeing eye to eye.