Empty Calories & Male Curiosity, #13
Wisconsin vs Philly: Midwest Nice or City of Brotherly Love?
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A few weeks ago I posted a picture of a sun dog I spotted while driving. Just saw an even bigger one the other day. Close to half a century of never seeing one and now I’ve seen two in the span of a month!
Just like the last one, the rainbow was much easier to see in person. Maybe sun dogs have something to do with this type of weather….
Came across this excerpt from a Wadsworth poem and it definitely resonated with me….
Earlier this week on the 9th episode of the SilentPunt podcast Travis & I debated whether old school NBA basketball was better than today’s version. You can listen to me dunk on him here. In OVERTIME this week we talk about whether or not it is appropriate for a grown man to wear the jersey of a professional athlete. Let the carnage continue….
No podcast next week. In its place will be the second edition of my EXTRA POINT publication. The first edition, where I discuss my disdain for the Kelce brothers, can be found here. I am considering renaming this part of the SilentPunt universe the GET OFF MY LAWN section 😄.
GOING DEEP
Wisconsin vs Philly: Midwest Nice or City of Brotherly Love?
I recently had a friend that is not from Wisconsin ask me about living here1. What do I love about it? What is Wisconsin known for besides cheese and the Packers?2 Is there somewhere else I’d rather be?
Outside of dairy and pigskin related things I don’t really know all that much about what Wisconsin is known for. When I first moved to the Midwest roughly twenty-five years ago I remember driving on an interstate and passing a sign for another interstate that led to Iowa.
Iowa?
I felt like I had been banished to Siberia.
Where in the world did I move to? But over the years I’ve learned that in all actuality a place is a place is a place. If you don’t have a family you go to work and try your best to make new friends. If you have a family you go to work and hang out with your family and try your best to make new friends.
Family, friends, and work…that seems to be what it all boils down to.
__________
So, back to Wisconsin. I don’t love it here. I don’t hate it here. It’s where life has dropped us. I love the summer. I love the fall.
At least I love fall now. I didn’t really know what fall was like here for the first twenty years or so. Fall was for winning and losing football games.
I hate the winter.3 Not for the cold. Not for the snow. Not for the darkness. But for the length. March and April are gross. Sometimes even May. I can’t say I love or hate the spring because spring typically only lasts about three days here.
I have often said to people that ask, that the people here in Wisconsin are nicer. That is true and untrue at the same time. It is nicer in that people here are nicer to strangers.
Lost somewhere? People will help you find your way (instead of ignoring you or robbing you). Come to a stop at the same time as another car in an intersection, they will wave you to go first (instead of butting in front of you and flipping you off). Wear an Eagles jersey to a Packers game and you won’t get your ass kicked.
But when it comes to the people you deal with on a daily basis, people are people. Some will be great, some will suck balls, and most are somewhere in between.
Below are a few non-dairy / non-pigskin things that do come to mind when I think about Wisconsin….
Bars:
I cannot begin to express to you how many bars there are here. It really is insane. 7 of the 10 drunkest cities in America are located in Wisconsin. We have the third most bars, per capita, of any state in the US. (Shout out to all of you drunk bastards in Montana and North Dakota)
Also, you can drink with your child at bars in Wisconsin. That’s right, wanna go tie one on with your 12 year old son at the local saloon? Have at it. 4
The Outdoors:
It truly is beautiful here. However, I think that beauty is amplified by the fact that most of it is gone for a solid five months a year. Yes, there is beauty in winter but in my opinion that beauty is offset by the fact that it is cold as a witch’s tit.
Fish Fries:
No, these are not French fries made of fish. A fish fry is where a restaurant serves fish (usually fried) with tartar sauce and sides like coleslaw, fries, potato pancakes, and rye bread. These are held on Friday nights in Wisconsin. I don’t know how or why that started but if I had to guess it would’ve been a German or some other immigrant thing.
They are good but I don’t understand the udder5 commitment some people have to them. It is seriously like a religious experience for many. Every Friday night, like clockwork.
Some people go to the same place all the time. But most seem to try other places and then rate them. It is such a ridiculous thing that pretty much any restaurant you go to will have a Fish Fry special on Friday night.
We’ve eaten at the following cuisines and they’ve had a Friday Fish Fry: Mexican, Chinese, Thai, Italian, Cantonese, Argentinian, and Indian. I’ll share our family’s rule for eating at places like this in case you haven’t put it together yet:
Unless you are six years old NEVER eat food at an ethnic restaurant that is NOT from that enthincity.
I.E. do NOT eat the fish fry at an Indian Place….
Old Fashioneds:
I know most of you have probably heard of an Old Fashioned but they take it to a whole other level here. The Wisconsin variety is a Brandy Old Fashioned, specifically with Korbel Brandy.
How much do they love their Old Fashioneds here? Wisconsin drinks more Korbel than all other US states combined. And you will never drink the same one twice. Every bar, restaurant, & individual household makes them a bit differently.6
The most important thing about Wisconsin to me is that our daughter was born here. That means we will always consider it home. Even some day, if and when she has a family of her own in some other part of the country, this will be home. Just like Philly still is for me, and Southern Illinois is for my wife.7
And, if you are like one of my friends that says you can’t call more than one place home, I have two answers for you:
Wisconsin answer: Ya, you’re prolly right.
Philly answer: Yo, hows about you go eat a bag of d*cks?
And for all of you Philly folks that are puffing out your chests right now like this guy….
Kwik Trip is better than Wawa.
Miller Lite is better than Yuengling.
AmFam Field is better than Citizens Bank Park.
But I’ll still take the Linc over Lambeau any day of the week.8
Go Birds.
I’d add cows here.
No seriously, I f*cking hate the winter.
I feel the need to clarify that this is indeed true. I know it feels like I’m making it up but I am not.
This is cow humor. I am ashamed of myself.
And in my opinion they all taste like ass.
This is me trolling my wife. She will fight you if you say she’s from Southern Illinois. She’s from Central Illinois goddamnit.
Lambeau is sooo cool though. If you’ve never been you really should check it out. And the people are sooo nice 😂!
You have lost your way, young son!! Wawa rocks!! Miller is ok and the only thing better about your ballpark is that he has a roof. How about I send you a scrapple sandwich
We went the other way - my wife and I grew up in Chicago and moved to Philly for six years. Philly is where I learned to talk over people - Midwesterners don’t do that. We loved Wawa, Rita’s, Jim’s Steaks, and many things Philly. By the way, suggesting that fish fries on Friday nights might be a religious experience has validity - a certain religion endorsed that strategy - although I don’t know how many Catholics live in Wisconsin.