39 Comments
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Jason Sciborski's avatar

not sure why but the toilet paper thing always bugs me too. Beards can be cool, mullets are not, no mullet toilet paper!

grievance: cruising in the left lane. If you aren’t passing someone, move over, always. If you ‘are going over the speed limit’ good for you, move over. I don’t care if you’re going 90 in a 70, move over. Thanks on behalf of all who have taken drivers ed (and might speed a little…)

Jon Murphy's avatar

I’ll always see mullets in toilet paper now

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Dude this is in the early running for winning comment. How could we not have thought of slow ass people in the fast lane?!?

And mullet toilet paper? 🧑‍🍳 💋

Danusia Malina-Derben's avatar

Loved this.

Two immediate scenarios. One: if people could kindly cease telling me they “need some rest bite.” It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realise they meant respite. I nearly needed some myself.

And two: you should thank the Substack gods this platform doesn’t allow image replies. My gripe is… unsolicited bare feet pics.

Please. I beg. Make it stop.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

OMG I’ve never heard rest bite 🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Double OMG…people are sending you unsolicited feet pics?!?!

Danusia Malina-Derben's avatar

It's a classic Henny...and those unsolicited pics aren't to me. I mean images of feet everywhere as if they are attractive 😂

Larry Urish's avatar

"Rest bite" and "I could care less" are right up there with "irregardless..."

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Ooh ooh, add anticlimatic for anticlimactic!

Danusia Malina-Derben's avatar

Larry these are all heinous, add in Henny's anticlimactic and the vomit bowl is full

Paul Horton's avatar

Brilliant. I share your mutual ire glad to subscribe to both of you. Merry Christmas!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks and Merry Christmas to you and yours Paul!

Go Bills! (Until the Super Bowl…hopefully)

Larry Urish's avatar

Interesting observations, all of ‘em. Some feedback:

• I’m among the 90% who are “over” with the toilet paper. (“Under” TP people are evil.)

• I have absolutely no idea what “6/7” means. That could be because I’m an old cuss.

• Steak was MEANT for ketchup, dammit!! ‘Nuff said.

• I hate it when people at Super Bowl parties don’t watch the game, but stand around yakking away and ruining it for folks who are actually there to see what happens in the game. At least don’t stand in front of the TV!

• Stuart Scott was the best.

• As far as hard liquor in a plastic cup: I could care less …

Anyway, Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Count your blessings you don’t know what 6-7 is.

Also, regarding the Super Bowl…I’ve been lucky enough recently to have my hometown Eagles to watch in the game. But I live in Wisconsin. So, it’s been imperative that I pick the proper crowd to watch the game with. If you’re not cool with me ignoring you then an invite is unlikely.

Larry Urish's avatar

BTW, when your Eagles beat my Rams on that blocked field goal earlier this year, it set my therapy back about five years. (THANK YOU, Rams' special teams...)

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

The Eagles offense has ME in therapy

Jon Murphy's avatar

😂 well played, Larry. Well played. I “could” agree more with you 😜

Jon Murphy's avatar

Hilarious! Imagine the other person turning toward you making the face dogs make to their owner while they go in the yard 😂 too funny

Angie Maher's avatar

If we were able to upload pictures, I'd share one from a stop at a little place in Colorado Springs that had no stalls (so for one person), but had two toilets!!! One was recessed about five feet to the left of the other. I hashtagged it #friendswhopeetogetherstaytogether. So crazy!

And another from a bar in Florence, Italy where the tp dispenser was 5-6 feet up the wall. If I can quickly locate them, I'm DM you! 🤭

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

OMG those pictures are INSANE! I may just have to include them in a post. The double toilet looks like you could hold hands with the person next to you 🤣

Angie Maher's avatar

Feel free to share 😂

Sean Patrick Little's avatar

ESPN's downgrade into nothing but shows with idiots talking about sports is one of my pet peeves. It's unwatchable. It's amateurish. Go back to the highlights. Save the talking idiots for podcasts.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Unwatchable. Couldn’t have found a better word.

Jon Murphy's avatar

But a Stuart Scott podcast… Now we’re talking! 😉

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

He would be crushing it right now

Bill Southern's avatar

I too find tinsel distracting. . .

Kevin Alexander's avatar

Me: (in full uniform, at work)

Anyone: "Do you work here?"

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Dude I’ve totally done that. Alternative is asking Billy Joe where the duct tape is and getting kicked in the nards

Jose Melendez (Dan Kobayashi)'s avatar

I’ve aired my grievances. They’re mostly about the New York Time puzzles…https://expatriarch.substack.com/p/my-festivus-airing-of-grievances

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Thanks for sharing! As I said over on your page, sounds like we both have some things in common. Do you go by Jose or Dan?

Jose Melendez (Dan Kobayashi)'s avatar

Dan’s my actual name, but people I’ve been on a Ted Sox board with for 22 years call

Me Jose. I’ve got a post explaining it somewhere. Merry holidays!

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Got it. Glad to have connected!!!

Moorea Maguire's avatar

Ha! I think one of the reasons why I'm not a fan of the positive-only tribe is that unlike Jon, they have no sense of humor.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Agree. And a sense of humor starts with being able to laugh at yourself!

Moorea Maguire's avatar

Agreed. When I was little, I learned not to make self-deprecating jokes because my parents would use them against me. But as an adult, I've learned that other people understand us when we laugh at ourselves and will laugh with us, not at us.

Henny Hiemenz's avatar

Totally. And who wants to hang out with someone that takes themselves too seriously anyway?

Moorea Maguire's avatar

When you're talking about someone who takes themself too seriously, you're talking about someone who doesn't use self-deprecating humor, right?