I already told you I loved the title. Now I'm telling you I loved the essay. It's really smart and insightful, and I have to go now 'cause I'm gonna restack it.
This is such a thoughtful post, Henny. You're so right about labels. We all tend to use them--which also means most of us suffer from being labeled ourselves. I love the closing lines that lead you to curiosity. Really looking forward to seeing where your own inquisitiveness takes you with your biography of John Matuszak! Again, fantastic read!!
Holy shit that is hilarious! I still have to watch that movie. I’ve found some cool stuff with him and Ringo, but haven’t had the guts to suffer through the movie yet. Everything I’ve read so far said it stunk…so your mom has given me hope!!
It’s definitely one of those “it’s so bad, it’s good” movies, but I feel like that’s what they were going for, so it works! Ringo was always a favorite in the household, too, so it’s kind of hard to say no to one of his flicks.
Enjoyed this very much. You hit on so many issues that I was faced with while coaching and believing that I had all of the answers. Little by little, I realized that the answers were so much deeper than I ever imagined and that I had more questions than answers.
I think your readers will agree that a label is only on the surface and if you really want to know someone, teach someone or coach someone you better dig much deeper.
When I briefly saw the comment above, I laughed and thought, “did Henny really comment on his own post that he enjoyed this very much?” I mean, you are funny in that way! 😂😂🤣
In all seriousness, great read and such good points. It’s funny, the labels we wear really depend on the context of how someone meets us. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and will be quick to call someone out on their BS. While most would say, I’m actually super chill and easygoing.
I do really try to give people the benefit of the doubt before slapping a label on them from one interaction, though.
This is marvelous, Henny: “That may be the real thing labels steal from us: not just curiosity about other people, but curiosity about the names we have learned to answer to. Given enough time, a label can become so familiar that it starts to feel like a fact.” Thanks for writing this. 👌
Solid (restackable) piece, Henny - very thoughtful. But, what have you got against downloading an app to order a sandwich? How do you propose doing it? By ordering from a human being?
So much to love in this one. Thank you Henny for writing this. As you said, labels are real, not just in sports. How apply labels to others, how we buy into them for ourselves, how we use labels like that to motivate ourselves to do better or pivot and do something else. For my own health, I tend to think about this stuff like a balance sheet. Point in time, but if you string together too many points in time that look the same, that’s prob what we’re dealing with.
I think back sometimes to different ways coaches would say something that was motivating in a negative way, “you can’t guard (opponent name)” I was 15/16, some days it wouldn’t have mattered how he said it, I was going to D that guy up. Or other days, he could’ve said it in the best way possible, “sure you got this guy? You gonna need back side help or you gonna be the one helping?” and it would’ve had the complete opposite effect.
I genuinely don’t know how every high school coach doesn’t lose his mind trying to get 15-18 year olds to do anything consistently. 😆🤣. I laugh but I’m serious too. Any day’s label can be a coin toss when it comes to high school kids. Startup mentality, every day.
Absolutely. And when it’s your own kid it’s even more maddening. You learn to wake up every day and be like, “ok, what version of her are we getting today?” 😊.
The most challenging part of that, for me anyway, has been not letting whatever version of her that shows up affect my version of myself.
That is one of the more challenging things about parenting. Every season they add something new to their playbook and some days, all you can say is this is not what we practiced.
Great post, Henny. Really great. The label I got all the time, especially when I was young, was that I was "beautiful". It missed everything. Everything else. I didn't like it then and I dislike it even more now. But that word in quotes can capture a large part of a person when said with a different goal, inflection, look on your face and/or eye contact... and then I love that description. Because it isn't a label.
Boy that is interesting MaryBeth. In a way it’s similar to what I’ve found with John M. How being labeled big, and tough, and manly…with those things being something so many men aspired to be…actually became somewhat stifling to him.
Excellent writing. I come from a notoriously spectatorish family. None of us participated in sports after high school unless you consider being overly judgmental about one another a contact sport. I’d call it a blood sport.
I really enjoyed this, especially the curiousity piece. I need to think about that more. "And how about the natural leader who is not leading as much as performing leadership, because everyone decided he was that guy before he had the courage to tell them he wasn’t?" Many eldest daughters feel this deeply.
I’ve had a bunch of long, unsatisfying conversations with my buddy on birth order stuff like that (he’s a twin, has 4 kids, and I have an only).
My opinion is it’s basically like stereotypes…often times they are generally true, but there are enough other times when they aren’t to merit the entire discussion exhausting 😊
Well said as someone who struggled with a big fish in a small pond kind of syndrome. I struggled once college started to rebuild who I was (small town problems) but like you mention in the piece, I actually have a lot of sympathy for people who experience fame. It’s perhaps more of a curse than not.
As far as your final question, the similar framing that was most useful for me was ‘we aren’t made to be whatever we can be, but created to be something very specific’ (that includes taking seriously the family you were born into, the town(s) or cities that raised you, and your triumphs and disasters). Those are all specific shape makers to embrace with a certain seriousness of meaning.
That really opened the door for me to explore much more of myself
I already told you I loved the title. Now I'm telling you I loved the essay. It's really smart and insightful, and I have to go now 'cause I'm gonna restack it.
Thanks Dude!!!
Which lead to me reading, and subscribing.
Very cool, thank you!!!
Nice!
This is such a thoughtful post, Henny. You're so right about labels. We all tend to use them--which also means most of us suffer from being labeled ourselves. I love the closing lines that lead you to curiosity. Really looking forward to seeing where your own inquisitiveness takes you with your biography of John Matuszak! Again, fantastic read!!
Appreciate it Diane! It’s folks like you, with all of the support, who have really helped give me the confidence to take on such a project.
Learning to look more deeply into what we so easily categorize people as is so important. Thanks for the reminder!
PS - My mom loved John Matuszak and named one of our cats after him. (And made us watch the movie Caveman over and over.)
…and also, what did you call the cat? Tooz?
Yes! She was also a tortie who had a face that looked like two different faces, so my mom thought it was extra appropriate.
Outstanding
Holy shit that is hilarious! I still have to watch that movie. I’ve found some cool stuff with him and Ringo, but haven’t had the guts to suffer through the movie yet. Everything I’ve read so far said it stunk…so your mom has given me hope!!
It’s definitely one of those “it’s so bad, it’s good” movies, but I feel like that’s what they were going for, so it works! Ringo was always a favorite in the household, too, so it’s kind of hard to say no to one of his flicks.
Enjoyed this very much. You hit on so many issues that I was faced with while coaching and believing that I had all of the answers. Little by little, I realized that the answers were so much deeper than I ever imagined and that I had more questions than answers.
I think your readers will agree that a label is only on the surface and if you really want to know someone, teach someone or coach someone you better dig much deeper.
Definitely. Appreciate the input Coach Hiemenz aka Pops!!!!
When I briefly saw the comment above, I laughed and thought, “did Henny really comment on his own post that he enjoyed this very much?” I mean, you are funny in that way! 😂😂🤣
In all seriousness, great read and such good points. It’s funny, the labels we wear really depend on the context of how someone meets us. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and will be quick to call someone out on their BS. While most would say, I’m actually super chill and easygoing.
I do really try to give people the benefit of the doubt before slapping a label on them from one interaction, though.
Ha! Yeah, figured that might throw a few people off.
I try as well, but I think our default as humans makes that so challenging sometimes. It really takes conscious effort on my part.
I can't imagine all of the skills it takes to be a good coach. You have my admiration.
By the way, using the image of my body for that AI-baseball picture is unacceptable, and you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
I’ll give you a 10% finders fee. Currently in talks with Playgirl for the rights.
Henny, as a Certified Master Negotiator(tm), allow me to counter with ... 5%.
lol
This is marvelous, Henny: “That may be the real thing labels steal from us: not just curiosity about other people, but curiosity about the names we have learned to answer to. Given enough time, a label can become so familiar that it starts to feel like a fact.” Thanks for writing this. 👌
Appreciate it Mike 👊🏼
Brilliant selection. That stood out to me too.
Thanks Moorea!!!
Yes, Henny! The essay is even better than the title and I loved that title!
Thanks Shelly!!!
Solid (restackable) piece, Henny - very thoughtful. But, what have you got against downloading an app to order a sandwich? How do you propose doing it? By ordering from a human being?
I know, crazy talk right?!
So much to love in this one. Thank you Henny for writing this. As you said, labels are real, not just in sports. How apply labels to others, how we buy into them for ourselves, how we use labels like that to motivate ourselves to do better or pivot and do something else. For my own health, I tend to think about this stuff like a balance sheet. Point in time, but if you string together too many points in time that look the same, that’s prob what we’re dealing with.
I think back sometimes to different ways coaches would say something that was motivating in a negative way, “you can’t guard (opponent name)” I was 15/16, some days it wouldn’t have mattered how he said it, I was going to D that guy up. Or other days, he could’ve said it in the best way possible, “sure you got this guy? You gonna need back side help or you gonna be the one helping?” and it would’ve had the complete opposite effect.
I genuinely don’t know how every high school coach doesn’t lose his mind trying to get 15-18 year olds to do anything consistently. 😆🤣. I laugh but I’m serious too. Any day’s label can be a coin toss when it comes to high school kids. Startup mentality, every day.
Absolutely. And when it’s your own kid it’s even more maddening. You learn to wake up every day and be like, “ok, what version of her are we getting today?” 😊.
The most challenging part of that, for me anyway, has been not letting whatever version of her that shows up affect my version of myself.
That is one of the more challenging things about parenting. Every season they add something new to their playbook and some days, all you can say is this is not what we practiced.
Hahaha! That’s goddamn right. Like, can you please just give me some sorta heads up that this is what I’m dealing with today???
Absolutely love this piece, Henny!
Appreciate it Melanie!!!
Great post, Henny. Really great. The label I got all the time, especially when I was young, was that I was "beautiful". It missed everything. Everything else. I didn't like it then and I dislike it even more now. But that word in quotes can capture a large part of a person when said with a different goal, inflection, look on your face and/or eye contact... and then I love that description. Because it isn't a label.
Thank you, always, Henny.
Boy that is interesting MaryBeth. In a way it’s similar to what I’ve found with John M. How being labeled big, and tough, and manly…with those things being something so many men aspired to be…actually became somewhat stifling to him.
Excellent writing. I come from a notoriously spectatorish family. None of us participated in sports after high school unless you consider being overly judgmental about one another a contact sport. I’d call it a blood sport.
Thanks Cate!
And oh hell yes, definitely a blood sport.
I really enjoyed this, especially the curiousity piece. I need to think about that more. "And how about the natural leader who is not leading as much as performing leadership, because everyone decided he was that guy before he had the courage to tell them he wasn’t?" Many eldest daughters feel this deeply.
Thanks Nicole!
Assuming you’re an eldest daughter?
Ha ha, yes, I am.
I’ve had a bunch of long, unsatisfying conversations with my buddy on birth order stuff like that (he’s a twin, has 4 kids, and I have an only).
My opinion is it’s basically like stereotypes…often times they are generally true, but there are enough other times when they aren’t to merit the entire discussion exhausting 😊
Loved this Henny! So many truths! Can’t wait to read your book!
Thanks Pam!!
Great essay. Spot on.
Appreciate it Steven!!
Well said as someone who struggled with a big fish in a small pond kind of syndrome. I struggled once college started to rebuild who I was (small town problems) but like you mention in the piece, I actually have a lot of sympathy for people who experience fame. It’s perhaps more of a curse than not.
As far as your final question, the similar framing that was most useful for me was ‘we aren’t made to be whatever we can be, but created to be something very specific’ (that includes taking seriously the family you were born into, the town(s) or cities that raised you, and your triumphs and disasters). Those are all specific shape makers to embrace with a certain seriousness of meaning.
That really opened the door for me to explore much more of myself
How old were you when that started to crystallize for you?