Women, Have You Tried Optimizing Your Little Hormone Situation?

Perimenopause, explained by a man with a ring light and no medical training

For thousands of years, women have endured perimenopause without access to the most important resource in modern health science: a man in a black T-shirt speaking into a podcast microphone.

This, thankfully, ends today.

Ladies, I know many of you are struggling right now with what the medical establishment calls “perimenopause,” a mysterious transitional phase involving hormones, sleep disruption, hot flashes, mood changes, brain fog, night sweats, and the sudden urge to murder your husband because he had the audacity to ask you yet again where the scissors were.

But what if I told you perimenopause is not a problem?

What if I told you it is actually an opportunity?

More specifically, what if I told you it is an opportunity to purchase my 12-week Female Hormone Dominance Protocol for $97, or four payments of $32, because math is also going through a transition.

Now, I should be clear: I am not a doctor. I have never been a woman. I have not personally experienced perimenopause, menstruation, childbirth, breastfeeding, or the quiet rage of being asked where the ketchup was by someone staring directly at the ketchup.

But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

The problem with modern women is not that their estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, thyroid function, and nervous system are changing in a complex biological cascade that can last for years.

The problem is mindset.

Most women approach perimenopause reactively. They say things like, “I’m exhausted,” or “I don’t feel like myself,” or “Why, all of the sudden, am I sweating more than a whore in church?”

This is victim language.

A high-agency woman does not “have a hot flash.” She enters a spontaneous thermogenic activation window.

The first step is reframing:

She does not “wake up furious.” She receives a cortisol based push notification from God.

She does not “forget why she walked into the pantry.” She is practicing neurological minimalism.

The second step is getting morning sunlight directly into your eyes before checking your phone, because the sun has been rising for 4.6 billion years, but apparently needed a guy in Vuori joggers to explain that the sun works better if you suffer first.

Now, some of you are saying, “I have children. I have a job. I have aging parents. I have a body that feels like it is being run by a substitute teacher.”

That’s fine. You just need to wake up earlier.

Once awake, begin with box breathing, cold exposure, and the quiet belief that suffering counts as strategy.

Cold plunging is essential because nothing tells a woman’s endocrine system to calm down like sudden aquatic violence before sunrise.

Also, hydrate. But not with water.

Water is municipal hydration. You need venture-backed hydration.

You need electrolytes.

Preferably mine.

My supplement, Lady Salts, was designed specifically for women navigating midlife hormone optimization by a team of researchers I have described as “world-class” but will not be named for legal purposes.

Each packet contains sodium, magnesium, trace minerals, powdered confidence, and a faint aftertaste of financial dependency.

Use code BROEXPLAINS10 for 10% off your first order.

Now, we need to talk about strength training. Women in midlife absolutely need strength training, which is why I, a man who learned this fact during a YouTube interview with another man, will now deliver it as though I descended from the sauna carrying two tablets that said: “respect the kettlebell.”

Lift heavy, recover harder, and never confuse exhaustion with information. Your body is not warning you.

It is negotiating.

And we do not negotiate with inflammation.

Chronic fatigue is really just unprocessed victimhood leaving the body.

Of course, none of this works without sleep. Sleep is the foundation.

If you are not sleeping, simply improve your sleep. Avoid screens, alcohol, and pesky feminine hormones. It is also preferred that you not sleep beside someone who performs a full-body exorcism every time he rolls over.

If night sweats persist, ask yourself: have I invested enough? Not emotionally. Financially. Because having symptoms is one thing. Paying a man to organize them into three tiers is transformation.

And transformation requires proximity, accountability, and a recurring billing relationship.

That’s why I created three simple tiers:

The Awareness Tier — $97
A downloadable PDF titled “Is This Estrogen or Excuses?” which explains that your symptoms are real, but also maybe your fault.

The Protocol Tier — $397
Everything in Awareness, plus 14 videos where I explain your endocrine system using football terminology, military leadership principles, and a dry-erase board I clearly bought for this.

The Inner Circle — $997
Weekly group coaching, private community access, and the opportunity to be misunderstood by me in real time.

🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃

Perimenopause is not happening to you. You are allowing it.

I know that sounds harsh, which is also something my wife, whom I love and who continues to choose me for reasons I try not to overanalyze, has gently explained while asking me to become a better listener.

Or something like that.

I don’t really remember.

For too long, women have been told this stage of life is something to survive.

I have one word for that:

You should not merely survive perimenopause.

You should dominate it. Monetize it. Build a personal brand around it.

You should emerge from it leaner, calmer, stronger, fully optimized, and prepared to explain your transformation on a podcast hosted by a man who nods solemnly while staring at your tits.

Because ultimately ladies, this is not about hormones. It is about discipline, preferably yours, monetized by mine.

The female body is not confusing. It is simply under-coached.

So the next time you wake up at 2:47 a.m. drenched in sweat, filled with rage, wondering whether today is the day you finally tell Susan, her Pilates mat, and her entire moisture-wicking worldview to fuck all the way off, remember:

You are not broken.

You are not alone.

You are not crazy.

You’re just one cold plunge, six supplements, two affiliate links, and a total lifestyle overhaul away from becoming the kind of woman a man on the internet can finally understand.

The face of a dog who would absolutely betray Vichy France for butt rubs.

This week’s book recommendation: The Saboteur by Paul Kix.
I loved this book, partly because it reads like a novel, but mostly because it reminded me why I keep choosing nonfiction over fiction. No offense to made-up people, many of whom have been through a lot, but I would almost always rather read about some unbelievable real-life lunatic I somehow never knew existed.

In this case, that lunatic is Robert de La Rochefoucauld, a French aristocrat who became an anti-Nazi commando, which is already a more interesting résumé than anything LinkedIn has ever produced. The book has escapes, disguises, sabotage, courage, Nazis getting what’s coming to them, and the general feeling that history has been hiding better stories than most screenwriters can invent.

It pairs well with this week’s piece because both are about dangerous confidence, though only one kind is historically useful. The difference is that La Rochefoucauld used his energy to fight Nazis, while today’s male wellness influencer uses it to sell creatine to women trying to sleep through a biological coup.