Empty Calories & Male Curiosity, #9

Put The Creamer In First: And Have Empathy For Those That Don't

QUICK HITTERS:

1. This week we had some old friends of mine join us, as well as some people from far away that I’ve never met - welcome to you all! There are now 102 of you receiving this newsletter every week and I could not be more thankful for that! If you’ve been forwarded this email and would like to join us you can do so here:

2. This week’s book recommendation is Already Free, by Bruce Tift. The subtitle of the book is “Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy, On The Path Of Liberation.” Tift is a psychotherapist that combines Western psychotherapy principles with Buddhism to treat his patients. This book is dense but amazing. For me it has been a slow read, but not in the way that so many other books are. I find myself stopping every few pages to ponder something Tift is describing. It is really fun when you find a book that makes you think in ways that you maybe never have before.

   

   This book won’t put you to sleep like it did Darla.

3. Shout-outs to Kim H. and J.F. Riordan…thank you both for recommending SilentPunt & this newsletter to your friends!!! If you are enjoying these I’d humbly ask you to forward it along to someone else that you think might enjoy it. Click below to do so:

   (If J.F.’s name looks familiar it might be because I recommended a book of hers last week. She’s got a new one in the works…check out that and more of her writing here.)

4. FOOD & DRINK: We are lucky enough to be on a work retreat for my wife up north for a few days. And while she works I get to play….and by play I mean eat & drink 😄. First stop was Kohler, Wisconsin. If you’ve never heard of this town you’ve probably at least peed and/or relaxed in one of their products. No, I’m not talking about the Atlantic Ocean. I’m talking about the high quality toilets and tubs they make. The cheese curds at Horse & Plow are out of this world….

Stick with the ranch, the seasonal jam was kind of bleh.

Second stop was 3 Sheeps Brewing in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. I am more into whiskey than beer but this place is very cool. I had the New Zealand Pilsner (the normal 3 Sheeps Pils is better). There are also lots of other beers on tap here that they don’t sell in stores.

They need to use the logo above on more of their merch. It is way cooler than their other logos.

5. OVERTIME: A few weeks ago Travis & I discussed the perils of the two-party system and what we as individuals might be able to do to improve our democracy (here). In this week’s OVERTIME we discuss a suggestion one of our listeners reached out to us about:

   Visit downsizedc.org to learn more.

6. Tell us what to talk about in next week’s podcast!!!

GOING DEEP:

Put The Creamer In First: And Have Empathy For Those That Don’t

Before we get started a quick anecdote about my dad. Let me first state that he is a wonderful man with a delightful name (he is also a Henny). Several years ago I taught him a trick I learned with my coffee: if you put the creamer in your coffee mug before you pour the coffee in you don’t have to do it with a spoon after. The creamer gets integrated well, and you don’t have to dirty a spoon. 

To my dismay my father has still yet to incorporate this trick into his life. Because he is my father and a lovely man I grant him clemency for this unexplainable lack of knowledge acquisition. I’m sure he has his reasons.*

(*This is a lie; he has no reasons. I’ve asked.)

________

Generational Knowledge is defined as knowledge that is passed down from one generation to the next. It is knowledge that you have but didn’t necessarily need to acquire by actively learning it. Information you inherently just understand, but which previous generations would not have. 

Some simple examples of this are:

• Men: You cannot physically abuse women. This seems obvious to us all. However, at a certain point it was completely acceptable. 

• Women: You can be a mother and have a career. Again, obvious. But imagine this was the year 1250. It would not have even been fathomable. (Some would argue it was just as unfathomable in 1950.)

[I understand that even now there are some cultures & places on the planet where both of these things are not the case. That is deplorable, but for the purposes of this piece I am assuming you (the reader) do not currently live in one of those places.]

A more complex example:

• The existence and use of cars. When a child turns 16 in this country you do not have to explain to them the existence and/or purpose of cars. You need to teach them some rules and techniques, but they have been around cars their entire lives. They implicitly know what they are and what they are used for. They just understand. However, if you were a 35 year old in 1903 and seeing a car for the first time your mind would be blown. It would take quite a bit of knowledge acquisition for you to comprehend the car:

  • Why do I need this?

  • Where do I use this?

  • How do I use this?

  • Not to mention things like: Can I afford this? How long does it last? How does it work? What happens if it breaks?

This generational knowledge is what has allowed for the exponential expansion of technology in modern life. Our brains have a finite capacity, so the more knowledge that is ‘baked in’ the more opportunities for our brains to create even more knowledge. In Artificial Intelligence (AI) terms think of this generational knowledge as the code, or the data. The more data an AI program has the more powerful and creative it can be.

Back to my dad and the creamer. If you drink coffee or tea you fall into one of two camps:

• You put the creamer in first.

• You put the creamer in second.

(this also applies to whatever else you might put in these drinks: milk, sugar, honey, schnapps)

If you have always put the creamer in first: congratulations, you have achieved a higher level of generational knowledge.

If you can remember learning to do this, and now you always do it, congrats to you as well. You are an adopter. 

If you don’t put the creamer in first and have just learned about it you are left with two choices. You can understand that putting the creamer in first is a much more efficient way of doing things and…..

1. Immediately incorporate it into your daily routine.

2. Reject doing it because you have always done it another way.

Continuing with the creamer example we find people who were either raised with this generational knowledge or not. Those not raised with it fall into one of three categories:

1. They’ve never been exposed to it.

2. Once they were exposed to it they incorporated it into their life. 

3. They’ve been exposed to it and willingly ignored it. 

Count yourself lucky if you were raised with it. If you are #1 or #2 it’s cool, I get it. If you are #3 I’ll put this as nicely as I can:

Unfortunately there seem to be a lot of 3s in this country right now. And also unfortunately most of you feel the same way as I do about them.

I can have empathy for my father making the egregious choice of avoiding the correct way to put creamer in his coffee because I love him. Even if his choice aggravates the hell out of me, I know he is not willfully trying to do so.

Lately I’ve been trying to extend this empathy to others¹. So now when I encounter someone that is lacking in some type of generational knowledge I try to cut them some slack. That person is someone else’s father, sister, child, or whatever.

Maybe it’s time we tried to share that empathy with those we disagree with about more important issues.

Like what is the correct amount of pillows for your bed.

1. This is not in my nature.